Missing our Men

By: Raegen Kellis (Scroll Down for Video)
Once upon a time, way, way before iPhones, the internet, and the feminist movement, there used to be this little thing called chivalry. However, the American culture has brought about, with its attempts at equality, what seems to be confusion in the gender roles. Now, let me preface before I begin my rant. I have no “ax to grind” with men. In fact, I am the president of their fan club. I have not been wronged or mistreated by the men in my life nor had a boyfriend to have a brutal break-up with. And, of course, I do not believe every testosterone-filled individual embodies the following characteristics; I am simply recounting an unfortunate pattern I have had to witness.

First of all, I am proposing that there are three main reasons for the emasculation of some of our men; these include the culture’s influence, technological advancements, and women. Yes, I said women.
To begin with, America is a blessed country with many strengths, especially in regard to political progress and social equality. However, as with the human race, our greatest assets can be our greatest weaknesses. Although the intent has been to create equality among men and women, I regret to observe that it seems America has overcompensated, thus producing feminized men and defeminized women. I hope that no one would argue with the fact that men need respect and women need love. Fact. Unfortunately, society has “loved on” our men and respected our women…nearly to a fault. I am convinced that the motive is pure, but in the dating world, it has led to women calling men, asking for dates, and probably initiating the first kiss. How did this happen? I’ve heard many men say they “really like it” when women take the lead… well surprise, surprise. It’s because they don’t have to do any work! A wise man who happens to be my grandfather puts in this way: “we don’t need weaker women, what we need is stronger men.” I could not agree more, Gramps! To summarize this point, thank you America for the kind gesture, but could we swing the pendulum the other way please?

Secondly, allow me to sympathize with the male population for a brief moment. I am sure the fear of rejection is prevalent and intimidating. However, as Jesus’ brother, James said, trial produces perseverance which ultimately produces character and maturity. This country could probably use some of that. So without going out on a limb and putting one’s self in a less than comfortable situation, how does a man intend to grow and mature, and much less find the woman of his dreams? Instead, to avoid their basic fear of rejection, it looks to me like men turn to something that will never, ever reject them- a fake woman on the internet. Ouch. Thus, they fulfill their desire for female “affection” but avoid any form of rejection at all costs. This leads me to my next point. Technology is a benefit when used properly, but just another defense mechanism when used improperly. It looks like six-year old boys have gone from hiding behind their mothers’ skirts to growing a beard and hiding behind a text message screen, a Facebook profile, or a nasty internet site. Perhaps I am too harsh; I mean, what if girls think guys that approach them are “creepy?” I would venture to say that a girl would rather feel attractive but “creeped out” for 3 and ½ seconds than unattractive because no guy has ever approached her. I have no solutions to this problem; I only have a problem.

Finally, women themselves have certainly given their contribution to this daunting issue. We have been known to refuse opened doors, jackets, or someone to carry our books. However, why is it that we have become so self-reliant? I, for one, would love to have my groceries carried in because I am “oh so weak” and cannot carry them myself. In this way, women feel loved and men feel needed. Women have been raised today to view themselves as equal to men. That is not to suggest that women are not equal, but it is to suggest that women have clearly different roles. There truly is no harm in having the humility to accept the help of a man. In fact, more humility would also probably benefit our country. “The reason chivalry is dead is because of women,” a male friend of mine once said. His point is well-taken and makes sense. Men may have tried to be “chivalrous” but have had bad experiences with it in the past. I understand that, but it looks like both genders have some work to do.
In conclusion, please recognize that my intent is to stimulate clearer thinking on this topic, not to provoke offense. However, if you’re a man and you consider yourself as not fitting into the mold of emasculated men, call me.